Let's just stop trying!

My fine fellow bloggers. Now is the time to listen to me as I impart some knowledge to make your life much more happy. I recognized a problem today, and I have a proposed solution. I decided that for this event I will make the longest post in blog history. First, let me walk you through the first hour and a half of my day.

First, I set the alarm on my cell phone last night. Yes, I use my cell phone instead of an alarm clock because I am too cheap to buy an alarm clock [sidebar: I am not actually that cheap, I really don't have a problem wasting money. I mean just last week I spent 20 times the price of a decent alarm clock on an xbox 360 and games I didn't need. Lets say I am priority challenged.] At any rate, my phone rings, I spend 30 seconds finding it and pulling it out from under the bed where it had fallen, then spend another minute setting the alarm to five minutes later so I could pull off a pseudo-snooze.

I finally rolled my ass out of bed, and I still have so much to do to get ready for the day. I put on bib shorts, then a jersey, put on socks, strap on shoes, strap on my helmet, put on gloves, put on knee warmers, pump up my bike tires, find a bike bottle, fill up said bottle, and finally head out for a ride.

After the ride I have to spend equal time to take off all the gear I put on, then take a shower, shave, put on underwear, put on new socks, news shoes, pants, shirt, belt, deodorant, brush teeth, and then, sometime while doing my hair, it hit me. I realized it was all just such a big hassle, I wanted to stop right there, to leave my hair tussled and unfinished. I mean I had already wasted an hour and a half putting stuff on me or pulling it off, its absurd.

Further, its all for naught anyway. I throw a bunch of crap into some eggs (which my son yelled "smells so gross!"), and then toss the combined crap onto a plate. While walking out the door I spilled some of the egg crap onto my shirt. Now I am looking like this guy:

What a waste of time. So I propose something, let's just stop trying! It's time to give up, no more doing hair, brushing teeth, no deodorant. Rally people!!! Let's give up!! It would save us so much time.

I first came up with the idea to just give up when I went to my first NASCAR race about 7 years ago. I thought NASCAR was lame until I went to that race. I fell in love. There is just something so liberating about watching cars ride around with 150,000 other people doing nothing just like you. At that moment I turned to my friend and asked, "when do you think all these people just gave up?"

But look at this guy:

You can see the relief and happiness in his face. We too must take this opportunity to give up. Let's face it, if you are wasting your time reading this, you don't have anything that important to do anyway. Stop wasting time on your hair. Who cares if you stink, people will love you for your pheromones. Stop hiding your ugly, dirty self. Show people the real you.

You will thank me for this.

Garbage, out.